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Of all the nights I choose to disconnect from the world early, I chose last night. So, it came as a shock to me this morning when I removed the newspaper from its plastic sleeve and saw the paper shouting at me "Bin Laden Dead." My initial thought was "Wow. That is unexpected." My next was, "What exactly does this mean?"

I am not really sure how to feel about this. The idea that this man, who has served as the embodiment of evil in the American psyche, the figurehead for the attacks on the World Trade, is now dead is surreal. Indeed, for me, his existence became something of a myth, he some intangible bogeyman living in caves in a far-off country. We launched two wars largely to counter the actions inspired by his rhetoric. The violence and evil he and his followers wrought against numerous innocent lives undoubtedly demanded justice. Yet, in spite of all this, I find myself unable to join the rest of the nation in celebrating his death.  

Does this make me unpatriotic? I would like to think not. The men and women serving overseas are doing all they can to protect us, and the Navy Seals responsible for the raid conducted themselves well in their duty. Please do not think that I mourn for this man's death. I am fully aware that bin Laden was a hateful, hurtful demagogue. I also know that through his killing, the United States has something around which to rally--it is a good day for America because the death of the leader of al-Qaeda is concrete. It proves that justice prevails eventually, and, perhaps, inspires some hope that our actions abroad are not futile. And for those more personally affected by the aftermath of September 11, I pray that it provides some kind of consolation.

Yet, the victory feels somewhat hollow. Perhaps it is because the lapse in time between the events which sparked the manhunt to its completion seems like a lifetime. Perhaps it is because it seems likely that bin Laden was more a symbol of al-Qaeda than its heart, and that while we have wounded the enemy, it would be foolish to think the enemy is no longer a problem. As the world braces itself for a backlash from his followers, we all wait to see what will happen now.

I find myself unable to cheer bin Laden's death because it feels wrong to celebrate the death of anyone, even if they are the embodiment of evil. When I watched the Twin Towers fall, my heart sank not only for those who would not escape from the devastation, but for the inevitable death and destruction that such a hateful act perpetuates.  Even though the killing of bin Laden was our way of meting out justice, a small part of me fears this act will continue to perpetuate the hate. Amazing how even in death, this man continues to have power and influence that will resonate for years to come. And perhaps that is why I cannot celebrate his death--it does little to change the world. While there may be one less vile person alive in this world, how many more will be spurred to violence as a result? And what have we as a nation become to revel in the death of our enemies?